I was hoping to do more with the blog during the last month. Obviously that didn’t happen. May tends to be super busy. We had a graduation and an engagement along with birthdays and other holidays. All happy things but, the darker side of my life was very present. This is the side I try to conceal, the pain side of my life. I have been dealing with chronic pain for thirteen years now. Pain frustrates me because it gets in my way.
Pain interrupts thought processes. It changes my plans for the day and sometimes by the hour. Today was an hour by hour day. Low pressure systems mixed with high pressure situations over the last week culminated into achy joints and a migraine. My day was literally stop, start…stop, start… In some ways the day was very good. I was forced to rest and take a beautiful bath (I love any excuse to soak in the tub). I even faced this very tough post. I prefer to not talk about the pain. The post actually took all day to write. Avoidance can be a wonderful thing. But I digress.
Several months ago one son stated, he felt as if he missed out on knowing me because of the pain taking my attention away. Even though my boys are now adults, for most of their lives I have been coping with pain. Please understand they discussed this as a fact not in judgement. It was what they grew up with.
They had to leave parties and events early or I did not attend with them. I didn’t realize until we talked about it, that they noticed the dark sunglasses and the furrowed brow that indicated a migraine at a soccer game, or a school event. I guess I wasn’t as successful as I thought at hiding my discomfort (Perceptive those boys). The adage is true of when one part of the family is hurt the whole family feels the pain.
I have mostly neck and head pain, along with joint pain, and over-sensitive senses (say that three times fast! I can’t!). Since no cause for my pain has been found several doctors have told me I’m healthy and it must be stress. Or it is chalked up to my environment, diet, sleep habits, etc.
Back to pain, it interrupts my plans and reschedules my life. It doesn’t seem to matter if I nurture the pain or ignore it. The end result is I adjust my life around it. I have avoided my writing for years. I just played at writing because it would be adding to the list of things to do, essentially another ‘stressor.’ Writing could possibly cause more pain. The key is ‘possibly.’ That’s what I didn’t realize. I was afraid of the darker side of possible.
What about the light side of possible. It might not be too busy or stressful. I may find release in my words. I may find my way through the foggy haze of pain. Hope is a wonderful thing but faith is the action that gets us there. I need the faith to step forward and let hope do it is work.
As my Mama always says; “There is no shame in failure, the shame is not getting back up.” So I’m figuratively shaking off the haze and getting back up.
Have a wonderful weekend. I plan to…
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 NKJ