I did. I really did. I know a lot of people did and a lot of people didn’t. We all find and accept, or reject God in our own ways. My beliefs will never be your beliefs. They never can be because my relationship with God is just a unique as your relationship with your Higher Power.
While I was taking a shower tonight (Yes, I think and talk to myself in the shower). Singing is too painful to everyone including my own ears and just washing the hair is boring. In my musings I was struck how different my view of God is compared to my view as child, young woman, mother, and now as a mom with adult children ready to test their wings. God has allowed me to grow and understand him in new amazing ways. I am surprised by the roles I now understand he owns. I’m sure there are more to discover. This process will only deepen the relationship and my understanding.
As a child he was a father, I was in awe and afraid of him. I was a good girl and I didn’t want to go to hell or be here for the tribulation. I wanted to be with him in heaven and dance with the angels. My bible taught me right and wrong. I understood the basics in very simple terms. Much like my own father he was an authority that loved me.
As a teenager and young adult I drifted away from faith but not God. I questioned him a lot. Later in college I ignored my spiritual side. Thankfully his presence was always there for me. He helped me through some very tough times and gave me some wonderful gifts to help me heal when I needed it. But, I wasn’t yet ready to give up my secular side to follow him or develop a deeper spiritual relationship with him. As I look back, He was still the father who loved me unconditionally. But like a father, at this time he also let me go and test my wings.
Then came marriage, kids, career, goals…My busy American life…God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit became my support system as I fell into bed night after night. I began to go to church regularly and drew closer to him as the counselor. I went to him with my troubles. I griped, complained, pleaded, and poured out my heart to him. I had wonderful spiritual guidance through family and church. I grew to understand his presence.
Now I am learning how peaceful he is. To get there I have to trust him and sit quietly with him. It is very difficult for me to be quiet and even harder for me to trust. Our lives are bombarded with events whittling away at our trust and our peace. With the current technology I receive so much information (whether I want it or not). It is hard to pull away and find this peaceful God supporting me. I find myself returning to a place of peace with him more and more often. I do this in the morning reading devotionals and inspiration. I write. I pray my rosary. I talk freely with him in my car and throughout my day. Lucky for me, now days, people just think I’m talking on the phone (I do like to talk to him out loud)! Oh My! I’m stealthing God! Imagine that! As my dear sweet Mother-in-Law used to sign off…
Love and Prayers