I enter the warehouse club and the madness begins. It’s Wednesday after work. It’s usually not busy after work, and today was no exception. However the usual obstacles were still firmly in place. So, tell me: What is it about an after work, crazed, harried, woman with a cart that peoples don’t understand?

The hurdles to efficient shopping are mainly customer generated. The efficiency we lack in our day-to-day activities, the club has implemented. At the Club I attend, they know how to move people and stock effectively. It’s what I like there. I know a lot of the staff by sight since I’ve been going to this Club since it was built in the eighties. But…Us the customers are not so efficient.

I hit the aisles at a trot watching, weaving, and taking sudden turns. I’m hitting the aisles after work, I know what’s on my list, and where I need to go. The Club may move things around but, items are still located in the general vicinity of the subject areas. So it should be easy to go with the flow right? Ah no, it doesn’t work that way. You’ve got the blockers, speed demons (here I am), shoppers, and the clueless.

The blockers take that big old cart and block the whole aisle. I of course, need an item two boxes down from where they are blocking. It’s hard to block a Club aisle since, three carts can go down the aisle side by side. But the blockers have talent! They turn the cart just so and spread out across the aisle. I have to admire the art of their formations. Sometimes I push through. Excuse Me! Excuse Me! But, most of the time its shorter to huff and whip around the aisle. Which I do with flair. If I do say so myself.

The speed demons are easier to handle since I’m one of them. I stay to the right side of the road,  as I maneuver through my route.  If I need to mull something over,  I try to stay clear of the main drag and intersections. The speed demons are the most likely to hurt you. Especially if you are not checking both ways and taking your mama’s hand as  you cross the thoroughfare. But usually they’ll just whip around you and out of sight in seconds.

The shoppers are okay but slow. Usually they’re aware of the surroundings and will get out-of-the-way. The big frustration for me is waiting to pluck the item I what from the shelf while they make a decision on theirs. In this case, I head for another aisle to pick up another item on the list and come back later. They may slow down the process but at least they’re pleasant.

Then there’s the clueless. These are the most likely to get hurt. They are the ones that walk out in front your cart staring at the displays. Or they will stop short like the dear-in-the-headlights with no sense of self-preservation. My biggest fear in the Club is I will seriously hurt someone star-struck by stuff. Some are the wanderers which seem to forgot there are others humans occupying the space at a fast clip! Some are those caught enthralled by a shiny object just on the other side. They can’t take their eyes off the object lest it disappear.

Here’s some simple rules to remember when you see that harried speed demon like me. Try to remember, we are  just trying to check the errand off the ever-expanding list:

• Rule 1: Don’t cut her off she may hit you with that big bad cart. Sometimes her reaction times or brakes aren’t so good. You won’t dent that cart but you will get dented by that bad boy. It’s just not worth it.
• Rule 2: Don’t block the aisles. She will whip around you muttering a curse like: “May
  a hundred Costco shopping carts block your car while the zombies try to clear them.” Do you really want the curse of the carts and zombies? I wouldn’t chance it…
• Rule 3: Be pleasant it makes your day better and the speed demon feel like an idiot. Believe me, I know from experience!

I still love my Club and I’ll be back racing the aisles again…Probably tomorrow 😮

Your own silly speed demon,

Milly