Not So Gentle Man Matthew

matt-sign
Round-About or foretells something else?

Today I am waiting on an unexpected arrival. I also have been reading a regency romance (aka trashy novel). Reading about Ladies and Gentleman got me thinking about a not so welcome guest this week. His name is Matthew.

 

Corny Warning: Here’s the thing when I write this I’m thinking: It’ll be witty, insightful whatever. But I do know in my heart of hearts, deep down I am a corny person. Please enjoy with your tongue tucked firmly in your cheek. 😀

I’m sure you may have heard of Matthew. He’s been all over the news for the past week. He now has all of Florida in a dither. My guys and I have prepared for our guest’s late arrival tonight. Matthew has a reputation that requires securing all outdoor articles and hiding your precious plantings. Then, shuttering your house until it feels like a cozy tin can. When these guests visit they party to raise the roof if you are not careful to keep them in check.

We have learned from past callers of this ilk to tuck our valuables away. In the past some of the more famous guests racing through our town have been named Wilma, Frances, and Jeanne…AKA the party girls. matt-visitorsMost years we have much lesser known tropical guests that bring us water and wind in the heat of our protracted summers. All of these guests require Milly’s team to kick into action protecting life, limb (literally tree and human limbs), and property from these rowdy visitors.

matt-shutters
Bare Feet & Shutters? Really?

As of this morning, Milly’s team has shuttered and prepped three houses and yards in anticipation of Matthew’s arrival. We’ve hit the club and local businesses to make sure we are stocked and ready. I think the funniest thing we forgot was the “most important paper” (old Boy Scout joke – see the P.S.). After discovering I only had five rolls of TP, I ran to my local handy-dandy drugstore! I felt better having a couple dozen rolls in case Matthew decides to stay longer than planned.

It is now time for the team to rest. We have Hurricane Chicken in the Crock-Pot and the laundry is done. All we can do now is wait out Matthew’s arrival and departure. Actually at 3 o’clock, the local newspaper email announcement stated onslaught had begun with heavy rains. No heavy rains yet. Our not so gentle man Matthew is late. We can’t toast with the Hurricanes just yet. {pout}

After Matthew leaves, as with any guest, the clean-up will begin! I just hope he’s in and out quickly so I can leave for my working vacation on Sunday!

My dear gentlemen and gentlewomen may your Thursday be safe and most of all fun (or funny whichever you prefer).

Milly

P.S. Here’s the joke circulated at many a Boy Scout camp outing. There are many variations. This is the one I remember. Most of the time it is acted out in a skit at a campfire:

A scout leader calls to his troop, “Hurry get the most important paper!” The scouts scatter.

A scout returns handing the leader completed Boy Scout applications. “No! No! The most important paper!” The leader cries.

Another scout brings the Troop Roster. No! Another scout brings the list of supplies. No! A Scout brings a roll of duct tape. The leader looks horrified. “What? No! Paper, the MOST important Paper!”

On and on it goes until with a shrug the last Cub Scout brings a roll of toilet paper. Triumphant the leader holds the roll of TP aloft and shouts “YES! The most important paper! By Jove, I think they finally got it!”

P.P.S: By the way just who is Jove?

P.P.P.S: Okay, Matthew will probably knock out power to the area as he dances out-of-town. I will post further exploits as I get service and access. Love Ya’ll.

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