Halloween shows and decorations have me thinking about my little slice of the world. It is amazing how much of our life can be described in tales and analogies. I love stories and tales. So I’m going to peek inside my little brain and spin a tale about Milly.
In my head is a castle. Once upon a time a long time ago…a therapist was teaching me about boundaries. She asked me to visualize my boundaries between others and myself as a wall. Did I see a nice white wall built of drywall? What about paneling or even CBS block? No of course not. I go big in my brain! In my head the wall was thick chunks of rock stacked high. My mind continued to wander as she talked (what about? I have no clue).
I followed the wall around a big hall. Standing back I realized it was a castle. It was beautiful and foreboding at the same time. I was inside the castle. My face must have shown something because, she interrupted me. “Describe your wall” she asked of me. I described it in detail. I described wall not the staircase, rounded corners containing the passages to the towers, and what appeared to be endless rooms. I wasn’t ready to go that far! I may have a vivid imagination but haven’t allowed it outside my head…Much. She scribbled in her notes. I thought Uh Oh I’ve done it now. Of course we got into a psychological discussion as to how hard it is for me to get close to people…Blah…Blah…You know the drill.
Anyway one of the many things I kept from those sessions is the view of my castle. I like my castle. It’s as cozy as an old drafty castle can be. It’s my place to retreat to when I need to be alone. Have you heard of a prayer closet? Well this place in my soul is my prayer closet. I carry it with me. I can be with my God in the throne room. I can sit with him in the chapel. I can be alone in my appointed room to rejoice or weep as needed.
Well…I have discovered play and adventure requires stepping outside the castle walls. What happened when Milly left the tower? What did I explore, in my travels over the past few weeks, I found an early autumn meadow near a flowing river.
I also found a deep scary forest when things started falling apart literally and figuratively in my life. I wandered a little aimlessly as darkness fell. Wondering what trap would be sprung next. How to handle the next thing? I had to remind myself to keep an eye on my Lord, his guidance not coming as quickly as I would like. He sent Sages my way to guide me through the mire and swamp I found myself sinking into. Dark foreboding trees seemed to reach out scratching and clawing. I fought back the fear. I fought back the darkness. I followed through making the best decisions I could at the time. I hope they were good ones.
I returned to my castle yesterday. Folded myself into its warm comforting walls and allowed myself to feel the hurt from the injuries I acquired in my run through the dark woods. I did not deaden the chronic pain this time with potions. I allowed my body to heal as God intended. I allowed myself to rest and fed myself good clean food. I felt his presence as he comforted me. He again brought me through the fear and the pain. He returned me to a safe place, place that will be with me always, my castle.
I will return to world outside my castle tomorrow at six in the morning. I will enjoy the beauty in it. I will go into the woods again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find friendly woodland creatures. But given the day, October 31st that is, most likely it will be funny, beautiful and sometimes scary goblins.
Have a fabulous and maybe frightful Halloween, All Hallowed Eve, and a blessed All Saints Day. I’ll be waving from the tower and showering the goblins in candy!