It seems “Ambush” has become the new party game. I see this new game at work and on television. It seems everybody has an opinion and they enjoy ambushing people with it. But at a party where you are guest? Really Milly? What were you thinking to fall for that!
I guess I’m a little out of practice in the party arena. I’ll admit it. I’m not the 80s party girl anymore. I did my share of clubbing. As a wife/mom/den leader I threw my share of parties. The chronic pain forced me to slow down. I stopped entertaining. Then I started going out to less and less. It got tiresome to constantly explain my need to leave early. A few years ago I stopped going to parties’ altogether. So what happened in the last few years since I checked out?
I went to a holiday party last night. I enjoyed seeing friends I had not seen in a while. We exchanged gifts and ate a fantastic dinner. I left feeling unsettled and anxious. As I drove home I prayed because my spirit was not peaceful even though, overall it was an enjoyable evening.
This morning I woke still unsettled. I almost backed out of going to church. I screwed up my resolve and went to church anyway. I relaxed into the service. I began thanking God for all the blessings he has given me this season. I got a major reminder on being grateful during the crush of the season this week. I will have to write about soon.
Today as I was prepping for the upcoming holiday. I was struck with a thought. Last night at the party I was ambushed! Once I realized it the unsettled feeling began to leave me, creeping back into the dark places where it resides. It made me a little mad. Okay a lot mad.
After we arrived at the party, we were standing in the kitchen chatting about this and that. One person announced “I’m serious I’m moving to Canada!” And proceeded to imply it was the President-Elects’ fault. Since I was in another conversation, I was confused. I thought I missed something. Well, the people around me launched into a rather depressing political discussion. Due to my career I am sensitive to political speak. I have to tread carefully. My guard went up immediately.
Very quickly the conversation became tense. Several minutes later the same person came back in the room and asked us to change the subject it was not appropriate party conversation. Say what? I thought you started this?
I managed to disengage from the conversation, distracting myself by mingling. All in all it was a lovely evening. I didn’t realize it until today but it was an ambush. It was meant to create tensions and a source of amusement for someone else.
I have a hard time playing pranks. Even when I thought I was having “fun” playing a prank. I just felt guilty afterwards. Can I be a mean girl? Oh yeah! Ask me how I feel afterwards? Just awful! Even when I think my meanness is deserved. I just can’t do retribution well.
What did I learn? I don’t like the ambush game. I don’t want to play. Next time (and there will be a next time) I will find ways to steer my conversation to more pleasant subjects. I deserve to be comfortable. I will pray for guidance as I excuse myself to mingle or…go to the bathroom.
I am responsible for the conversations I partake in. I am worth it! I am worthy of enjoyable conversation versus debate. I deserve witty repartee instead of defending myself. I want to direct my conversation in ways that uplift and encourage. This is what I learned from last night: If I give encouragement and love to others, God returns the love to me. It’s the way of creation. It’s also my choice.
I’m a bit sad to see this tactic used as a source of amusement. It is destructive to our relationships. The only thing I can change is my actions. I will depend on the one true God to guide me. His guidance is the only way I can change my response. I will use his resources.
I hope to encourage you to embrace your spirit and your dreams. Love to you my friend,