In Memory…I hate those words. I still feel my friends that have gone before me. Their life force, words, actions, and love still live in my life. It’s not, in memory. It’s, in life. I may not be able to touch the life with any of my physical senses. It’s still a life. I still feel the life and love in my bones. My spirit senses their spirit.
I’m not trying to wax poetic. I am trying to explain the way I feel. Right now my physical senses hurt. They feel the soul that has passed from the physical into the supernatural. My realm is sad today. The good thing about physical hurt is it heals. Its just a real pain dealing with it while the healing takes place.
Death is a fact of life. My realm and all in it are hurting. We lost our Grand Old Lady Jo on Wednesday. Here’s the reality she was thirteen. As my sons say that’s 91 in our years. She needed a surgery, that may or may not have worked. My precious bright eyed pretty girl was dying slowly. I didn’t even recognize it. A kind vet put her to sleep with all of us surrounding her. Seven of us were crowded into the vet’s examination room to see Ms. Jo into the afterlife (that includes the vet, the assistant, and Jo).
Did Jo cooperate? No of course not! She was determined to go out with her eyes wide open and participating in the event. But, she is a cattle dog through and through. Right down to her Bentley Mark. She stayed true to her bloodlines till the last moment. Here’s the thing about cattle dogs they are always aware and in the mix. They engage in every activity. Even if they have to push their short barrel chested muscle bound body right into the middle of the fray. Jo stayed with us through two shots of sedative and only closed her eyes half way as the barbiturate slowed her heart to a peaceful stop. Through my tears I realized how lucky I was to be there seeing her pass from this world into the spirit realm.
Some think I’m strange but, I don’t feel loss of the person or animal I love at death. Maybe it’s because I grew up with my faith and I believe in my heart of hearts that I will be with them again. For me it’s not over at death’s door.
Do I enjoy death? Some have asked me this question. Absolutely not! I’m selfish! I want me peeps with me. I’ve had some crying jags over my precious Jo since she passed through the veil. It is my loss I feel. It is my pain at not having my Jo physically with me. Here’s the thing. Jo has not left me. I just can’t connect physically with her.
What I don’t feel is the pain emanating from her. I didn’t know how much pain my Grand Old Lady was in. Like so many of us, she hid it well. I walked into my home yesterday after burying myself in work (a great thing about work); I first felt pain then relief. I believe I first felt my loss. I missed my friend. My faithful sidekick…Heck it’s hard to type with tears! I also believe the relief was Jo. Her presence is still with me. She is no longer hurting. Her hips and joints work. The ulcerated tumor is gone. She can see and hear clearly. She can breathe and nap without struggling for air.
She can still touch me and love me because she is spirit. Just like every once in a while, when I need a spirit assist and prayers from my peeps in the spirit world I can barely feel a breath or a touch. Somehow I know it’s a grandmother, my sister, my mother-in-law…and now Jo’s cheerful presence supporting me until I get to join the party.
I’m sure Jesus has a job lined up for my fantastic spastic cattle dog. In her spare time, I just know my pretty pup is keeping heaven safe from squirrels and cats then, napping under a majestic oak until she’s ready to go again.
As we wrap up this year enjoy your peeps (physical and spiritual) in Life,