Fear grips the soul. Sometimes I feel the grip physically. It’s why we are supposed to fight it. Do not allow it a foothold in our hearts. Yet we live in a world governed by fear. I decided today it is a radical move to “Fear Not.” To live being “Not Afraid.”

I felt fear’s grip this week. I never realized how important it is to fight it. Deny it. Do not allow fear a foothold. Until I found this wisdom, that fear does not have a place in a Christian’s life; I accepted fear as part of life. I have choices. What exactly do I choose? What is the opposite of fear? The handy dandy Thesaurus says…

Assurance; Confidence; Faith; Joy; Trust; Love; Comfort; Courage; Calm…

Faith stood out. An “aha” went off in my brain. It has been my faith that has helped me learn this part of my transition. The way I have been fighting my fear this week is to turn off the noise and pray. I talk to God my father about how I feel afraid.

Yesterday I was doing dishes and praying. I was overcome with the physical grip of fear. My fear’s physical grip feels like a gargoyle claw has the scruff of my neck in its grasp. The muscles tighten to the point of severe pain and a headache radiates up my skull.

Here’s what’s going on. My husband had a heart attack several years ago. He was out of town. I drove eleven hours straight to Atlanta with my family to meet him in ICU. I realize now during that drive I was numb with fear. I didn’t know if he would be alive when I got there. I just prayed for his life over and over. Luckily my stepdaughter was the lead car because when I drove I was so numb. I just followed her car. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t converse with God. I could only follow.

This week we got the news he has another blocked artery. This time it is both carotid arteries. These are the main sources of blood flow up the neck into the brain. Tomorrow morning he goes for surgery to remove the blockage on one side. Well yesterday I became terrified. While washing the dishes I began to pray. I started a conversation with Jesus about my fear. I was trying to put my husband in his hands. The tears began and before I realized it, I blurted out:

“Help me have faith.”

What? Where did that come from? I asked myself. I thought of the father who cried for his son’s healing “Lord I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 NKJV. So for the first time that I can remember I prayed for faith. My spirit stilled and went calm. I took a few tentative steps towards trust. I am trusting God to literally keep my husband’s heart in his hands.

The fear this week has been intense. I learned I cannot “Not Fear” without my spiritual reinforcements (The holy trinity, prayer, and my prayer warriors). The most amazing thing is I recognize it so quickly now. My Mom always said, “The hardest part of a problem is recognizing it. Once you see the problem, you can do something about it.”

While writing just an hour ago, I looked up the antonyms to fear. Another revelation,  he gave me the word I need to make the opposite choice from fear. I choose FAITH! Wow faith is an opposite of fear in the English language. My mind is having a hard time wrapping around it. While my heart leaps for joy at a truth.

Now I can see the fear when it starts, I am able to choose faith. Then I function with a blessed calm that only comes from the Holy Spirit. I have been given the tools to break fear’s grip on my soul. Remember in Mark 9 Jesus helps the father with his unbelief. He healed the father’s son.

I will spend tomorrow while he is in surgery in prayer and thanksgiving. I will visit with at least one maybe more of my prayer warriors. He holds me. He comforts me. He protects me. He does the same for my husband, my family, my friends, and you.

God Bess and prayers Ya’ll!

Milly

P.S. I’ll be exploring this further since I have a new tool to play with. I’m sure I have more to learn in this spiritual adventure.