My box is my home, work, and the area in which I live. For the most part, it’s warm, cozy and comfortable in my box. I have lived and worked in this area for most of my life. As you know my dreams take me outside this cozy known area into other parts of the world. This means I must literally travel outside my comfort zones.
I am comfortable in my space and over the last decade or so, due to my health struggles, my space has become smaller and smaller. I live in a small house. I have worked in the same position for the last eight years. I have my circle of stores where I know the layout. I have close family and friends I can safely venture out with.
I no longer go to movies, outdoor events, and concerts. They are much too painful. Crowds and large cavernous spaces overwhelm me and leave me claustrophobic. So I avoid these places. I spend a lot of time managing the pain. I do a good job at it. Most days I can get through the day with relatively low to medium levels of pain and irritation.
So what’s the pull? Why do I want more? Well a few years ago I read a book called “Twenty Wishes” by Debbie Macomber. The book tapped into my spirit. I wanted to dream again. I had reached my goals in life. I had my husband. I had my kids (who were teenagers at the time). I had an established career. I had my home. We’d weathered a lot of life’s storms. I could even manage the chronic pain. So what was missing?
I stopped dreaming. I realized I needed to dream again. Just because I lived the dreams of my 20s and 30s did not mean I should put up my feet and retire from life! That is when I wrote my list of dreams (recently rewritten). Kind of like the Twenty Wishes. But these were my dreams. If I could have my heart’s desire, what would it be? Those are the items on my list.
This week I traveled to the mountains again. We returned to the family vacation rental in North Carolina to do some upgrades. I wanted to work on my traveling skills, which are sorely lacking. My goal was to drive at least six hours in one day. I haven’t been able to do that in years. Other goals were to sleep well in a motel and drive in the mountains.
Well I did okay. Not great but, thankfully not bad. No accidents and I didn’t careen off a cliff. Woo Hoo! The pain has been uncomfortable but not overwhelming. That alone is a victory. I was disappointed I wasn’t able to sleep well in the motel or the first night in the mountains. First night in a strange bed always throws me. I did drive five of the ten hours the first day. I pulled my weight but not as good as I’d planned.
I was able to drive the mountain roads from Wilkesboro to the house. My husband didn’t like my speed (too slow – Ya know five miles below the speed limit really isn’t a bad thing honey) or my white knuckles. By the time we arrived at the house, my knuckles weren’t white and I was able to park on the steep drive! Yay Milly! I am proud of stepping outside my walls. What an adrenaline rush!
Funny thing is, on the drive I started dreaming of my cabin. What I want in my next home. I can name some of the things I want: Mountains (of course), trees, log and stone cabin, water of some sort, and small but not tiny. I haven’t yet been able to visualize it completely yet. The picture is still fuzzy. I see a small log cabin with possibly a green tin roof? With lots of trees and on a hill…possibly a waterfall…not sure yet.
I realize I don’t have to see it in my mind’s eye straight off. God has given me the time to savor the developing dream. He will guide me in developing my skills to achieve my dreams. I will learn along the path because he will guide and teach me. The important thing right now is to keep on dreaming.
Never stop dreaming! What are you dreaming of?