This week has been a doozy. I’m not sure how all of this is going to work out. I am going a different way on just about everything. I’m not sure if I’m learning anything or just making a mess. And I’m afraid I’m stepping in it all the way. Fear Not! What? Oh that again. Okay! Let’s do this!
I was super busy this week handling crisis after crisis. It was capped off with a run-in with the office bully on Friday. This person is someone I have worked with for years. I have taken the verbal abuse because…well…I hate to admit it…to keep the peace, keep my job in a bad economy, etc. You know all the excuses to avoid confronting the situation. Friday I took another path. I defended myself then sat down with my supervisor to talk about. I finally turned the situation over to someone better able to handle it. I let it go.
I know the situation will get worse before it gets better. My mind wants to run scenarios: yelling matches, behind the back jabs/gossip, physical blows, etc. The lessons I’m learning recently helped God stop my runaway imagination. This morning my spirit was calm enough to relax into the Easter Service. At that point, I could listen to His Holy Spirit. Here is my Easter Blessing this morning:
As always the church is packed for Easter Morning at 7:30 a.m. I enjoy seeing full families in their Easter best. I enjoyed holding hands with my husband as we listened to the homily. These were the things I wanted for my Easter and God gave them to me. Then after the Eucharistic prayer and communion, God gave me an insight, a gift.
After the Eucharistic prayer we say:
Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.
For years, since the chronic pain began, I said a silent prayer for physical healing after this prayer. Today when the words “my soul shall be healed” left my mouth, I realized the gift given me. I realized he has healed my soul. Instead of asking again, I started thanking him for the healing.
Today as I thought and prayed about writing this post, I also realized all the ways my soul has been injured over the years. Simple things like the bully at work, harsh words from my father, being cheated, denied, or any number of things, injured my soul. Some things like the death of my sister shattered my soul. Looking back now I see He faithfully healed all of these things. And most of the time I didn’t even notice the healing. I went along my busy frantic way. Today I truly stopped and thanked Him.
Is it easy? No. Does He do all the work in healing? No. I must accept the pain and work (did someone say carry the cross?) But he gifts me with healing (and He helps carry the cross). I don’t think this coming week will be easy. And my physical healing will come in time. Why I have to wait…I don’t know. All I know is I’m not the only one among many humans in pain or soul wounded. I have faith that he will heal me. If I have a choice, I choose healing my soul first. He knows best!
Thank you to God Almighty for being my Soul Savior.
P.S. There is a part II to this one…Until next time.