Crisis Mode

This morning, while on my way to my Lighthouse (Jesus and My Church), I was driving with what I call the big ball of pain in the sky (the Sun). I glanced at the Town lighthouse as I approached the bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway. “I’ll never see the light this morning.” I grumbled in my thoughts as I squinted through the brighter sunlight.

CrisisModeAs I topped the bridge, I glanced again and I saw it! I was wrong! Imagine that…I saw the bulb at the top of the lighthouse flash its light towards me. It struck me that no matter how blinding the crises and predicaments in my life, His Light still shines and guides me towards Him.

Sometimes His Light is bright piercing through the shadows. Just like a lighthouse in the fog. I know exactly where to step and the guidance is clear.

Right now in my life, the Light is dim and I have to seek Him. Just like He instructed us to ask, seek, and knock. I need to look for His Light. When the sun is high and bright in the sky it’s hard to discern whether or not the lighthouse is even working. The sun shining bright and hot burns and blinds the pilgrim. It’s hard to see the path and the His Guiding Light.

These past several days I have lived in crises mode. Heck these past several months for that matter. My father was pulled over for driving on the wrong side of the road. Long story short, there were no injuries and physically he is okay after a work-up at the hospital. After a very long day the doctors told us he can’t be driving and at least needs to think about a caregiver at home.

This is a very hard concept for my father. Part of the stress I have has been talking to my father about moving from his home in the country to “the City,” (as he says with derision), and stop driving. These conversations always end poorly. Again, in his mind I will always be his eight year old daughter who really doesn’t know better.

Here’s the thing, my father is still competent and can make decisions for himself. His hearing and eyesight are failing, along with his joints. He doesn’t always remember things. But heck I don’t always remember either. It’s a normal situation for an independent octogenarian. The problem is he needs help and he doesn’t want it.

The problem for me is I’m running on empty right now. I’m battling the depression with all my might. Spiritually I am under attack. I am tired of hospital visits, surgeries, recoveries, bills, problems, etc. claiming almost all of my attention. So I turn to my strength Jesus Christ. I found some threads to pull, and in pulling them, I found hints that bring me closer to my savior.

One was last week’s post “I want.” I found I need to ask, seek, and knock. I started adding my requests to my daily prayers and praise. On Thursday I came across this short devotional:

July 13 Expect the Good

“Can you get the expectant attitude of faith?

Not waiting for the next evil to befall you but awaiting with a child’s joyful trust the next good in store?”

 “God Calling” edited by A.J. Russell

My reaction was “Wait what? Expect good? Is that what you are telling me Lord? Well maybe I need to change my thinking…’Cause…I keep “waiting for the other shoe to drop!” And let me tell you Lord, there’s been a lot of shoes’ falling in the last year!” Is that another chuckle I hear? Along with a whispered “I know. I am with you. Have faith.”

As I was writing this the Youngest Prince looked over my rough draft and said “I don’t wear shoes!” He then says, “It’s a literal and philosophical thing.” This left me laughing as he took his snack back to his gaming cave.

(A funny aside: I misspelled ‘thing’ as ‘Thig.’ Well youngest prince caught it when MS Word did not. So I asked “is thig a thing?” My prince said: “Google it.” Here’s what Google said: to beseech, supplicate, implore, beg… So..thig is a thing…Imagine that!)

Back to my point, He is with me in all the steps I take. I doesn’t matter if my life is a hot mess. It doesn’t matter if I am happy or depressed. He is right here with me every moment. He will not force his will on me. So, over the last week I have learned to ask for His guidance. Seek His light. Knock on His window (I’m so through with doors!). I have faith in the good he will bring. I will trust Him. Even in crisis mode, when it is so hard to see His Light, He is here. I found His presence in my soul.

May you find what you seek. Love and prayers


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