My Fathers

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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Today, Bishop Robert Baron wrote in his daily email about the resurrected Jesus meeting the apostles and asking for something to eat (Luke 25:34-48).

In the last paragraph Bishop Baron said this:

“What does this mean? It means that bodies are not finally alien to God. We have indeed an Advocate in the heavenly places. Were the Resurrection a convenient story or a clever myth, the two realms of heaven and earth would be as separate as ever.”

The first thing my mind went to was that in some religions Heaven and earth are separate. The thought of being separate from God makes me sad. This cannot be my God.

I have a relationship with God. I want to see him face to face. I want to sit in his presence and worship him. I want to walk with my shepherd. I want to feel the Holy Spirit’s hug. I want to break bread and laugh with Jesus. My hope is to be with Him in His Father’s house (John 14:2-4).

I began to pray for God to stop Satan’s lies about how we are separated from him. A tiny admonishment came through.

 The lies won’t stop. People believe what they choose.

I didn’t give up. “Then open their eyes.” I prayed.

I have shielded their eyes.

“Why?”

They must seek me to find me (Jeremiah 29:13; Luke 11:9). I will not go against your will. I will not force you to love me.

“I found you so young? Why weren’t my eyes shielded?”

Yours were shielded in the dark time.

 I knew he wasn’t talking about when Faith died or the times when life was hard. He was talking about when I was a teenager and then later as a young adult in college and in a new marriage.

I knew He was talking about when I thought I could make my decisions without him or my family and friends. I am WOMAN! All Powerful! Hear me ROAR! I had a lot of worldly fun during those years. It was the 80s you know. I could do it all! I was in control! Until I wasn’t, until I realized I could not control everything in my life.

A tear tracked down my cheek this morning as I remembered my “Hay day.” I was “happy” as I could be living with one foot in the world and keeping one foot in my Christian faith (for insurance of course). I accepted all beliefs thinking there were many ways to heaven. I thought God would bend the parameters to save us and we’d all be happy in heaven except, for the really evil like say Hitler. We the partying Americans in the 80s were born to be wild and free and God loved us right?

I realized he does love me and my wild crowd. But he hurt as I ignored him during my day. I maybe gave him a quick minute of prayer in the morning or the evening. Once in a while I would take an hour out of my week and go to church to be with him and my Christian family.

It struck me today, I think of the bad times as my dark times. My sister’s death, the two times my marriage had been in major trouble, my struggles with health, troubles and sicknesses with my princes and princess, my husband’s heart attack… These are all the times I turned back to God to lean on him.

So what are God’s dark times? The times I walked on my own without him when, I “sowed my oats.” He longs for me as I now long for him. He longs for my endless chatter. He longs to walk with me. He is there for me through thick and thin. He is truly my Best Friend.

All I could say this morning was “I’m sorry Lord. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Today I go to talk to lawyers about my father and getting him into a facility for memory care. The prayer time this morning has calmed my spirit. I know he is with me today as we (God, my faith-filled husband, and me) start making the decisions my father can no longer make for himself. He is with me through every step today.

Have a blessed day,

Milly

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