Discussing my father with the Father I started thinking how bittersweet my life has become. I said to him. “This year is so bittersweet.” Continue reading “Bittersweet 101”
There is a lot going on in my life right now. This week has been insane with work, attorneys, and doctors. Yet, I keep going back to last Sunday. The Pentecost. Continue reading “Pentecost Sunday”
I did it! I finished the first draft of “Disrupted! Continue reading “The End! But Not!”
So I’m playing a puzzle on my computer and the pieces are scattered across my screen. Just like they would be on my tabletop…
After several weeks of chaos there was a moment of clarity. In that moment of Zen I made a decision. I must be the Tortoise. Continue reading “Be the Tortoise”
Today is my 2nd anniversary blogging with WordPress on MillyReally.com. I have grown and my blog has grown with me. I’m thrilled I’ve gotten this far. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have. Continue reading “Happy! Happy! Anniversary MillyReally!”
Sooo I started a different post and couldn’t finish it today. I was going to look at lessons learned with the Turtle and the Hare. It didn’t work so…now you get Bubbles! Thank WordPress for the inspiration.
Actually things didn’t go well today. You could say my bubble got pricked and burst. I had a task to complete with my father. I had hoped it would go smoothly. Of course my dad made sure it didn’t work out. As he slowly loses control, his need for control surfaces. I was to meet him and go over legal things he instructed me to set up.
The warnings started Friday when I called him and he dressed me down for not getting the information to him last week. Which really is a feat since I didn’t get all if the documents until Thursday. I explained I was coming over on Sunday to go over the documents with him. The attack turned to my not calling him enough. I defended myself because we call or see him every day.
I felt defeated by the bullying. I know this is nothing new with my father. I have dealt with the loving father turned bully all my life. He’s a nice guy, just verbally abusive. At 86 it is not going to change. The weird thing is it’s getting harder to take the verbal punches.
Dad and I had a pleasant conversation on the phone yesterday. There was no talk of our planned meeting. Today when I went to visit with him, my father refused to talk to me. He started with a problem which we resolved. After that he couldn’t avoid me. That’s when he flatly refused to sign or look over anything. He proceed to insult me and kick me out of his room.
I said my goodbyes. I told him I loved him and kissed his cheek. Tears blurred my vision as my bubble burst. I left the assisted living facility hurting from a father who has made almost everything we have had to do together hard. From daily chores to vacations it couldn’t be easy. I have not lived up to his expectations. Why would this be any different? I thought with a bitter taste. Anger pulsed through me but I had to swallow it.
Then steps in God my Father. I got home. Not sure what to do next, I pick up one of my devotionals “Tea Time with God” I open to “Which Way is Up” (page 108). First I read the scripture caption:
“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (NRSV)
I tear up all over again as I feel my Father’s comforting Presence. The devotion starts with a story about a speedboat driver who was thrown from his boat. He fell deep into the water and did not know what direction to swim to surface. He stayed calm and let his life vest pull him towards the surface then began to swim faster. He survived by waiting for the sign showing the way up.
Reading the little book felt like when you blow bubbles and a bubble hovers in front of you for a few seconds. You marvel at the myriad of colors then to your delight the bubble moves closer to burst on your nose. It tickles, a giggle bursts forth causing you to smile and blow more bubbles.
Bubbles seem to rise. They usually make their way to the surface of the water or up in the atmosphere. But at some point they burst. Bubbles are supposed to burst, right? Hope is like that too. It rises. I feel it welling up in me. At some point it bursts. When hope bursts it may bring tears, like today. BUT there are times when hope bursts bringing your dreams.
24For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; For why does one hope for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. [Romans 8:24-25 NKJV]
Rise with your bubbles! Hope On, My friends!
P.S. I had a weather phenomenon today. This morning the skies were bright and sunny. After lunch when we went to dad’s place and drove into a rainstorm. It rained on and off all afternoon. While I am writing the post this evening it is storming again. It is quite the coincidence for the weather to match my stormy day dontcha think? hmm…
I feel like I am waking up from hibernation. Like a mama bear sauntering out of the cave in the spring I blink my eyes at the light and wonder where to start. Continue reading “Waking Milly…”