I feel like I am waking up from hibernation. Like a mama bear sauntering out of the cave in the spring I blink my eyes at the light and wonder where to start.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted or written anything. I look back and its been eight days since my last post. And…four days since I’ve written any fiction. What happened to the week? I blink again and shake the cobwebs from my fingers.
In the aftermath of the April whirlwind, I crashed. Oh! I did win my Camp NaNoWriMo challenge of 15,000 words in April (just barely). I got my ‘Flair.’
Here’s the thing. So much happened in one month that I zoned out for a few days. I feel like I left everyone hanging on April 26th. When I last left you, I was in the middle of a battle between fear and hope. No wonder I needed to hibernate. I went through a war!
My energy is slowly returning and I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Things went well with the endodontist. The iceberg of teeny tiny incisors settled right down when, the second step in this root canal was finished. I still can’t chew or bite on the tooth. Because, I do not want to crack the tooth. But the crown will be done in a couple of weeks. It’s all good.
After the crown, I think I’ll hibernate from dental work for a while (hee hee). Seriously though, the war between hope and fear was a fierce battle. After the final battle, hope won the hard-fought fight. Even in the chair I’d find my hands curled into fists until the knuckles turned white and ached. What was that sound? Why did the tooth move? Fear placed images of the little tooth breaking under the pressure.
I silently pray: Jesus, please give me everything I need today and you take care of the rest. My hands relax. I breathe and rest while the doctor works. I focus on staying still. He talks to me in soothing tones. I don’t remember what he says. The tone and rhythm of his work soothe me.
At one point my phone slips in my pocket. A tool doesn’t work. The tension rises as the doctor’s assistant goes to get another one. A new assistant is being trained and the doctor seems to think she’s not listening. The tension rises. This is how fear works. It creeps in.
Worry seeps in. I look at my phone. I’ve been in the chair an hour and half. That’s how long the appointment was scheduled for. We’re not done yet. The assistant is anxious. The doctor is frustrated. What about my tooth? I notice my shoulders are tense. While no sharp tools are in my mouth, I take the time to stretch my shoulders . I silently pray again: Jesus, please give me everything I need today and you take care of the rest. I put my care in the Father’s hands.
I relax into the chair and trust the Father to guide the hands of the doctor. In another thirty minutes I am out of the chair. And my tooth feels…well…numb. In 24 hours my jaw is a bit sore from the shots but the tooth is pain-free. The abscess has settled down. The bone will take a year to heal. I will go back in one year for a check-up on the healed jawbone.
Hope truly won this war. Without hope I could not have put my trust in God. Hope lets me see the good outcome when fear only shows me what could go wrong. We live in a world bombarded with fear. Hope is the light we need to see the reward as we wade through something tough.
I walked through this battle with pain and fear. I found was bone-tired. I had to take care of the home neglected and myself. It was time to rest. Do mundane chores. Hope in the Lord was my champion against fear. The fear has slunk away to lick its wounds. Now I mentally stretch myself out of my stupor and begin to debrief lessons learned from my April marathon.
The first thing I need to do is get my writing mojo back. Here we go!
7Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.” [Jeremiah 17: 7-8]