We live an illusion in the digital world. Everything is put together and edited. Only a few mistakes slip by. Do you ever wonder what goes on behind the digital curtain? Let’s take a peek behind mine.
My post, “Where Do Dreams Come From?” on Sunday was fun to write. The words flowed easily. So getting it on the page and the website should have been easy peasy. Or so I thought…
It was fun to research finding out what God had to say about me. I was left to my own devices with my morning coffee. My bible and computer were ready. After church I meandered through my thoughts as I deciphered the passages. I took a few notes, ate my breakfast, and played a little solitaire. Oh my! What a great way to write.
It felt good. I fired up my fingers creating the rough draft. The post was coming together like a dream. This is the way I envision full-time writing. I even had my image picked out.
With the rough draft done you know what happened next. If you said “Reality” you’d be right! With what I’m sure was a confident relaxed smile on my face, I checked my phone for the time. “Yikes! One O’clock!” I exclaim. “I gotta do laundry! I need to defrost the hamburgers!”
I dropped my writing. My blog forgotten as my mind raced to catch up with the day. I got the laundry rebooted, then set up for dinner, unloaded the dishwasher, and made lunch for myself. I said grace.
As I ate, errands and tasks filled my head. I felt like I was getting poked, like having a bratty sibling around. Do this – Poke. Do that – Poke. Pain – OW! I felt that in my shoulder! I wanted to go back to writing. My husband and I quarreled. I snapped. He snapped. He apologized. I apologized. Guilt set in. Poke – Poke – Poke. It was felt like something was trying to aggravate me.
After dinner, I started to work on my blog. I’m almost finished. I couldn’t concentrate. poke – poke – poke. Distracted I stopped to check the news. I saw more articles on the priest scandal. I stopped everything. Sadness rushed into my spirit.
That morning at church came rushing back. Our priest, after kneeling before the altar, went straight to the pulpit and spoke to us about the scandal before starting the Mass. He spoke of those hurt by the priests. Their families and the parishioners ready to give up on the Church. He asked us to pray for their healing. He asked us to pray that they would not abandon God. He asked us to pray our church and priests. I was already shocked and sad from the reports. When I heard his voice crack with pain I was even more heartbroken.
Looking at the headlines broke my heart again for those hurting from this horrible evil. I stopped and prayed prayers for the hurting. Then I wondered if I should even finish my post. The tone was too positive. I was ready to trash it and write something more somber but nothing came to mind. I asked God what to do.
A little spiritual nudge gave me a little understanding. If I change my writing for every news story that came along, it would be like my day had been. My writing would become distracted and disjointed. I would not be following God’s path for me nor would I be living my dreams daily. If it is on my heart to write something, I need write it down. Even while the storm whirls around us, God is working his plan. It is bigger than our lives. I just hoped someone needed a positive message. I know I did that evening.
This is not to say I didn’t have empathy for my hurting church. I continue to pray for healing and protection for those hurt by evil. I placed this huge concern in God’s hands and trust him to care for them. I was driven to share a different message on Sunday.
It wasn’t until Monday morning that I realized there was a spiritual struggle going on behind the scenes. The distractions and interruptions had intensified as the day wore on. These spiritual forces want to shut our mouths. There will be obstacles to following God or for offering prayers for the hurting. These forces want us to fail. They work at adding to our own doubts in God and ourselves.
I’m glad I wrote some fun and lighthearted posts. I wanted you to enjoy the fun I was having updating dreams. I wanted to share my excitement at my successes. I want you to have the same experience enjoying your life.
Just remember, it looks put together on the screen. And sometimes, like that morning, the dream writer appears. The process flows. But most of the time, it is a messy process fit in-between my life (like this week’s mid-week post on Friday :)). Sometimes like that afternoon, it is a down and dirty battle to get the job done! Embrace the struggle we are creating something good! God Bless.