Scattered

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Thoughts Scatter like falling leaves

Tuesday my thoughts scattered the moment I woke up.  I’m running late!  Lunch!  Laundry!  Writers group!  Ash Wednesday! What will I eat!  Cleaning!  Work!  I raced to the bathroom with my clothes in hand.  The list in my head continued.

Adrenaline pumped through my system.  My world whirled around me.  My head started to pound.  I got to the kitchen and began making my breakfast and lunch at a frantic pace.

At one point I remembered my study word, rejoice.  It stopped me in-between the stove and the sink.  The peace I felt over the past few days was gone.  “What happened?” I asked out loud.

I had been placing myself in God’s presence and rejoicing in Him.  I despair seep into my soul.  I was back to my old way of doing things.  I cried out to Jesus for help.  As I ate my omelet I prayed.  “Holy Spirit, thank you for a good breakfast.  Guide me today.”

By the time I finished eating I knew this was a spiritual attack.  I am being tested, I thought.  My joy had been snatched away by busy thoughts.  I was overwhelmed.  When my thoughts become scattered; I try to do more.  I want a feeling of accomplishment. That feeling that I handled it.  This never works because “I” excludes God and others from my thinking.  Of course, I didn’t think of it at the time!

The gentle nudging of the Spirit had me heading back to the bathroom.  I looked on the cabinet where my Ephesians 6 prayer hangs in the glass pane.  Yes, I still use this prayer.  I stood in the dim light praying as I spiritually put on the armor of God for the day.

I took a deep breath.  A list of important goals ran through my head:

  • Rewrite Buried Secrets
  • Work at my job
  • Husband’s birthday dinner
  • Cleaning up the Land
  • Reducing my clutter
  • Being here for my family
  • Prepping for Blue Ridge trip
  • Planning for fall trip
  • Learning EBay sales
  • Financial decisions
  • Taxes

I stopped myself, the list would just continue.  It never really ends.  What was missing?  Do you see it?  I didn’t see it on Tuesday.  The missing piece nagged at me during the week as I took on task after task.  At least I was praying.

The rest of the week was not easy.  I was bombarded with tasks and disappointments.  I started taking things personally.  Sharp words hurt me.  Instead of brushing off politics and judgements, I became defensive.  My writer’s group had good intentions in their critiques.  I drove home in tears doubting my ability to write.

When I prayed, I had to seek out reasons to rejoice.  I found them in God’s support, safety, family, and bits of peace.  Prayer got me through the days.  Today writing out the list of goals in this post, I can see the missing piece clearly.

  • Time with God

Seeking solace I picked up Jesus Today by Sarah Young and read #121.  The first words told me “Be still and know that I am God.” The devotion goes on to describe how busy life has been recently.  I am encouraged to spend time alone with God. Through Ms. Young’s words, God tells me He sees me as His beloved child, and He wants me to receive His delight in me.  Two of the verses in the devotion called to me:

Psalms 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

And

Psalm 16:3:  “As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.”

One of the synonyms of rejoice is delight.  We rejoice in God for His blessings and Love.  We also rejoice that He is and will be exalted.  He rejoices in us because He sees who we are in spirit.  He knows who we are, His children.  God the Father delights in His children.  That’s us!

The Holy Spirit reminded me, my scattered thoughts are not from God.  God is my refuge from this busy life.  This week hasn’t been easy.  The doubts did not stop.  At the end of the day, God gently reminds me, I am who He created me to be.  He rejoices in me.

Rejoice in the Lord and know He is rejoicing in you.

Milly

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