What a week! I wasn’t sure I would make it through the battle.  In the middle of last week, God gave me a scripture.  His gift was Psalms 62:6-9:

“⁶My soul, be at rest in God alone,

from whom comes my hope.

⁷ God alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall not fall.

⁸ My deliverance and honor are with God,

my strong rock;

my refuge is with God.

⁹ Trust God at all times, my people!

Pour out your hearts to God our refuge!

Selah

The entire chapter is amazing.  In fact, the New American Bible Revised Edition gives this Psalm the title: Trust in God Alone.   This is the path I walked over the last week.  I didn’t bring this up in last week’s post because it was too fresh and too raw.  I knew this footpath leads into one of the dark areas in Milly’s Realm.  It’s been a while since I walked in the forest.  The dark shady place begs questions but yields few answers.

The way may lead to answers yet I hold back because I have walked this way before when there were no answers.  At the time I lost my way in these woods going from doctor to doctor.  Here is where I connect with the woman who was sick for twelve years and reached for the Hem of the Savior’s garment.  Thousands of years ago she walked in these woods too.  [See Mark 5:21-43]

The Friday before last, one of my doctors asked me to see a neurologist.  I haven’t seen a neurologist in over a decade.  My pain patterns changed over the last few months.  Despite my pain management efforts, the headache pain intensified, especially in the morning.

That weekend, I had found two doctors through friends and figured I’d call for an appointment on Monday.  I made the first call and there was an opening on Friday!  OH NO! that is way too soon, I thought.  Shock coursed through me as the appointment was scheduled.  There was no turning back now!

Over the years doctors have cut me loose when they had no answers.  “I can’t help you anymore,” a talented endocrinologist said echoing years of doctors before him.  Disheartened I walked away from traditional medicine for a while.  I have one doctor who continues to walk with me while we discover sensible natural healthy alternatives.

Now I am back to the dreaded rounds of questions.  Early in the week played I ‘Bible Bingo’ with the Psalms.  I knew I wanted a Psalm; I flipped through Psalms forward then backward.  By the Grace of God, as my fingers wandered I came upon Psalm 62.  This became my refuge from the dark dampness filling my soul.

I could see it in my mind’s eye.  I wandered lost in the woods.  Thoughts like wild things running around me.  Picking my way past the thoughts, feelings, and fears that clung to my being like brambles and weeds.  As I walk between two towering pine trees, sunlight filters through the branches.  Past the trees, another path starts.  Wildflowers spread out surrounding the path and leaves litter the way to a small cabin in the clearing.  Smoke curls from its chimney stack.

Drawn to the quiet cabin I wander closer.  I know I am on my property.  This is my soul.  I don’t remember this place.  Come sit with me, whispers in the breeze.  Stepping up on the porch, I see a hand-carved wood sign hanging beside the door.  Milly’s Refuge.

I step inside and my mind clears.  It stops spinning with fearful thoughts.  They scatter away from this place.  Peace and calm settle in as I sit next to the old wood stove on the hearth.  I smell the wood fire and listen to it crackle and pop.  He is here.  I relax into His Presence.  My God, My Creator, My Father, My Love.

Thanks to a Psalm and prayer I found my way back to Him during the week.  This week I did not get lost in the medical system.  My Spirit visited with His Spirit.  The appointment went well.  But, no answers yet.

In March the testing begins.  Lab tests aren’t so bad, I’m used to those.  Even the x-ray of my neck is okay.  I’ve had more x-rays than I count!  It’s a wonder I don’t glow in the dark!

The MRI is the test that floods me with fear.  I have never had an MRI.  The rumored noise and stress may leave me in severe pain.  But more than the test is the results.  This test digitally dissects the brain.  It is more invasive than a surgeon’s knife.  What will they find?

That question is the worst part.  A part of me doesn’t want to know.  Knowledge may be power but it can be devastating.  I believe God does not give us all knowledge at once for a reason.  We need to grow into the knowledge we need for our journey.

Milly’s Refuge is where I can go to rest and receive the knowledge I need for this day.  And the best part is, Milly’s Refuge is portable! It goes with me everywhere.

Find the refuge in your soul.  If you want to share, we would love to know what your refuge is like or what scripture inspires your spiritual refuge.  May His Presence fill your journey.  God Bless,

Milly