Over the last several weeks, I have discovered more fears buried in my heart as we battled for faith in our own home. Yes, I have written about my struggles with fear in more than a few posts. To regain our home my husband and I had to shove away the fears of what might happen. But fear does not give up easily.
“9 You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth,
And called from its farthest regions,
And said to you,
‘You are My servant,
I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
10 Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
When writing the post “Mustard Lessons,” I was holding tightly to this scripture as I replayed the confrontation in our home. After completing the first run-through of the audio clip, I prepared our home for our Parish Priest’s visit to re-bless our home and property. Yes, the spiritual battle was that intense. Our home needed cleansing and blessing.
Loading the dishwasher with the morning dishes, I felt the fear well up in my soul again. Will he come back? What if he is drunk? An attack of some kind? All sorts of unwelcome “what ifs” played in my mind. The fear settled deeper. I invited him to stay… I do not know him anymore. Guilt sunk in with the fear. The more I thought about it, the more fear filtered in. The Holy Spirit nudged my soul.
“What have you learned?”
“Do not be afraid,” I whispered.
“You don’t have the luxury of fear,” whispered in my soul.
The Holy Spirit’s nudge sent my senses whirling. “Fear is a luxury?” I wondered out loud.
On a chuckle I heard, “When you want to hide…” Then Matthew 5:15 came to mind:
“15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.”
At this time, I cannot go into the details. Several weeks ago someone we love needed a temporary place to stay. We new it would be a tight fit in a home we are working on but with patience we felt it could work out. Unfortunately the situation became awkward. I prayed to get through the days without turmoil and woke in the middle of the night to pray. The situation quickly spiraled beyond my understanding. Searching scriptures, I found God in His Word over and over stating: Fear not! Do not be afraid.
In the last two and a half years, all of us have had a lot of practice with fear. But this battle in my home taught me that when I give into fear, I hide and close my senses to God’s signs, nudges, and still small voice. 2My decisions become based on my own thoughts. I locked my doors and begged God for protections for my family and home.
Yet deep in the night, locked away from the world, it did not matter. Fear still seeped into my thoughts. These times I was too tired to pray. I just offered my thoughts to the Lord. Slowly, night after night, I learned I did not need to fear, for God is in control. As I grew stronger so did the confrontations and tense discussions.
Finally we knew we had to ask this person to leave our home. “God, please remove this from my home?” I whispered.
“You need to say the words. Have faith.”
“Oh Lord,” I whined, “How will I do this?”
There was no answer. The night before I came across James 2:17:“Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” I knew the Lord wanted to teach me something and I needed to take action (works).
Two days later, I woke very early in the morning to banging and loud voices. The evil one used this person I loved to hurl accusations at my husband and I. I prayed during the confrontation. The Lord gave us the strength to not back down from our values, decisions, and God’s Word.
What I learned was the luxury of hiding based on fear is a deceptive trap. During the six weeks, it was temporary relief. When I don’t address the problem. I get comfortable with it. The consequence is I don’t move forward on my adventure journey with our Lord.
Here’s the question, when the fight comes, and it will come, am I ready for the battle? When I accept the the fear, I only delay the battle and God’s purpose in my life.
I am grateful for this valuable, albeit painful, lesson. The fight will come whether or not I am ready. Another interesting tidbit is, once the battle began, I had no time for fear. I had to choose whether to fight with the Lord or take the luxury offered by fear, which is defeat disguised as safety.
Please pray with me:
Dear Heavenly Father, Help me get out of my safe places and continue my journey with You. I want to be with You on the adventure and not hiding in the luxury of fear. I know this is a choice I have to make every day as the world hurls fear at us to distract us from Your purpose in our lives. Thank You for this insight showing me why it is important to be focused on You. The battle is Yours!3 Your Word says we are Your light in this world.4 I am removing that basket of fear that I hide under so I may shine Your truth in this darkness. In Yeshua’s name, amen. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.
I am not saying to abandon safety measures to keep your home, yourself, and family safe. We still need to be prudent and wise. Battles require preparation and action. There is no room for fear to clog our thinking. Personally, I will still lock my doors and be aware of my surroundings. With a little difference, I will be talking to my Lord when I get scared! Much better than trying to figure it out on my own.
1All scripture is from the New King James Version: Prophecy Study Bible New King James Version, Editor John C. Hagee © 1997 by Thomas Nelson, a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.
2 1 Kings 19:12-13: 12and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 13So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
3 1 Samuel 17:46-47 (David and Goliath): “46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you. And this day I will give the carcasses of the camp of the Philistines to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. 47 Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the Lord’s, and He will give you into our hands.”
4Matthew 5:14-16: 14 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
5Please, remember I am not a theologian. This is from my own private discussions with the Lord, study, and experiences. You may see something I do not. That is okay. Let the Lord lead you. Ask Him questions and discuss this with Him. He is faithful to lead and guide us. Just like you, I am searching for wisdom and understanding.